The Riders' Front of Judea

Welcome, and congratulations on inclusion to a privileged group of sideways surfers - the Riders? Front of Judea (RFJ).

What may have seemed a subconscious decision when taking that first tentative step upon your trusty mount was in actual fact an inherent blessing; a legacy passed down from your father?s father and your father?s father?s father; to ride a snowboard the moral and righteous way around? with left leg firmly forward.

As proud members of this virtuous sect, it is hereby bestowed upon thee to uphold the following values:

1. Abolish old school skiers
You know the ones I?m talking about. You?re happily cruising down the piste, jibbing around as God (read Craig Kelly) intended and you find yourself approaching an OSS. With one quick glance around, you?ve assessed the passing space, and you initiate your overtaking manoeuvre.

Defying their years, the OSS is equipped with incredible reflexes. Upon sensing an imminent pass, they instinctively assume the phoenix position. With poles outstretched horizontally to impale would-be intruders they inflate themselves to around 10 feet wide, rendering the pass impossible.

The very same antagonists are responsible for the mogul field - the intolerable creation of the independently legged stalwarts. I?m not referring to our new age freestyle skiing ?I wanna be a snowboarder? brethren, though questions must be asked. They have in essence evolved from old school skiers, blood-line traces must be made, and if they?re skiers at heart? stone them. These vehement defilers must be driven from the slopes, in the hope of restoring our land to a mogul free zone. Shake your fist and scream mogul-pusher upon sighting.

2. Eat pack lunches in over priced mountain restaurants
Always prepare your self for the day ahead. If you?re out on the slope all day then you?re gonna need nourishment and a packed lunch is essential. Under no circumstances are members of the RFJ to pass money to these profiteering 6 fingered mountain dwellers, purely on account of their fortuitous birthright.

Instead, eat your own carefully prepared lunch (which won?t contain horse) within the confines of their establishment. Pack a thermos flask of hot water and tea-bags. Don?t make tea from the out-set; you may find that you?d prefer tomato soup. This can easily be prepared by adding a healthy supply of free condiments from the restaurant to your free hot water.

If asked to move on, nod politely, considerately respecting their wishes, and place one raised finger to meet your other open hand, displaying the 6 fingered extortionist symbol.

3. Stamp out the Splitters
If there?s anything we hate more than Old School Skiers, it?s those f*cking deviants, ?The Judean Riders? Front? (JRF), Splitters. Though Craig Kelly, AKA ?the messiah? and founder member of ?The Riders? Front of Judea?, dedicated his life to educating the world about snowboarding, these f*cking Splitters chose to ignore his teaching. Who are they to question his wisdom?

Just because they find it more comfortable, and perhaps easier to lead with the right foot? Well it?s not a question of ease, it?s a question of what?s right, and what?s wrong. It?s called ?Natural? foot in the Southern hemisphere and for good reason. Go ahead, look it up? Natural ? normal; accepted; biological; innate; organic; Plain right. It is our responsibility as ?The Riders? Front of Judea? to rid the slopes of these deviants.

Commandments:

• THOU SHALT LOVE THY NEIGHBOUR ? UNLESS A SPLITTER, THEN IGNORE THEM THOROUGHLY
• THOU SHALT NOT BEAR FALSE WITNESS AGAINST THY NEIGHBOR? UNLESS A SPLITTER, THEN GRASS ?EM UP AT EVERY OPPORTUNITY
• THOU SHALT NOT COVET THY NEIGHBOR'S WIFE ? UNLESS A SPLITTER, THEN SHAG EM SENSELESS
• THOU SHALT NOT COVET THY NEIGHBOR'S GOODS ? UNLESS A SPLITTER, THEN RAM RAID THE PLACE
• THOU SHALT BREAK BREAD WITH THY NEIGHBOUR ? UNLESS A SPLITTER, THEN TELL ?EM TO GET THEIR OWN FECKING BAGUETTE
• THOU SHALT NOT SHARE A CHARLIFT WITH A SPLITTER

Scream ?Splitters? at every deviant you encounter, and build Naturally biased kickers wherever you roam.

4. Honorary Members.
When you join The Riders? Front of Judea you are pledging allegiance to a mighty organisation with a deep, rich, heritage.

Sign in, click on "Your Account" and then "Edit your information"; and simply enter "r".

Read about how the Judeans became...