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winterfunman 
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Post subject: AMUSING Jokes :
 Posted: Jan 20, 2011 - 11:22 PM
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First post: Apr 20, 2008
Total posts: 8914
Location: BANSKO ..........Bulgaria
Status: Offline
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Apparently Garr Glitter wants to be the next Aston Villa manger as he has heard , the players are YOUNG, BENT and possibly KEANE 
I met a girl in a park , there was an instant spark between us , she instantly dropped to her knees and laid on the grass, as we made sweet love , i thought ... those taiser gun was well worth the money ..  |
_________________
LIFE IS FOR LIVING SO GO FORTH AND LIVE IT....after all we r here for a good time , not here for a long time
http://www.alexander-apartment-bansko.com
info@alexander-apartment-bansko.com
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Sidget
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Post subject: RE: AMUSING Jokes :
Posted: Jan 20, 2011 - 11:27 PM
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First post: Sep 10, 2006
Total posts: 10680
Location: Under a lil rock
Status: Offline
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| What happens if you pour self-raising flour on an orphan? |
_________________
You do you, and i'll do me
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mini.
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Post subject: RE: AMUSING Jokes :
Posted: Jan 20, 2011 - 11:39 PM
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First post: Jun 16, 2008
Total posts: 1681
Location: a world of my own, but mostly sheffield.
Status: Offline
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woody2shooz
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Post subject:
Posted: Jan 21, 2011 - 04:01 AM
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First post: Oct 08, 2006
Total posts: 335
Location: Niseko, Hokkaido, Japan
Status: Offline
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I like that one Sidget, thank you.
Q. why can't you get 2 elephants in a swimming pool?
A.
they only have 1 pair of trunks between them. |
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winterfunman
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Post subject:
Posted: Jan 21, 2011 - 02:23 PM
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First post: Apr 20, 2008
Total posts: 8914
Location: BANSKO ..........Bulgaria
Status: Offline
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barryclava
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Post subject:
Posted: Jan 21, 2011 - 03:19 PM
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First post: Jan 07, 2009
Total posts: 298
Status: Offline
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What's brown and sticky?
Chaskis' hair after church on Sunday morning. |
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ChasKi
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Post subject:
Posted: Jan 22, 2011 - 01:08 AM
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First post: Mar 04, 2009
Total posts: 2481
Location: Plymouth/Stroud
Status: Offline
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barryclava wrote:
words
You're so rad I wish I was you!  |
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annieredding
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Post subject:
Posted: Jan 22, 2011 - 02:17 AM
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First post: Jun 20, 2006
Total posts: 4974
Location: Coventry
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muffy_
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Post subject:
Posted: Jan 23, 2011 - 11:33 AM
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First post: Dec 24, 2008
Total posts: 65
Location: Huddersfield
Status: Offline
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It's the 2012 Olympics in London.
Englishman, Scotsman and Irishman want to get in but don't have tickets.
The Scotsman picks up a manhole cover, tucks it under his arm and walks to the gate, "McLeish, Scotland, discus" he says, and walks in.
The Englishman puts a scaffolding pole over his shoulder and says, "Jones, England, pole vault" , and walks in.
The Irishman picks up a roll of barbed wire, tucks it under his arm, " O'Leary, Ireland, fencing". |
_________________
I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your fud then rip the hair out by the roots and still be afraid of a spider!
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Sidget
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Post subject:
Posted: Jan 23, 2011 - 02:23 PM
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First post: Sep 10, 2006
Total posts: 10680
Location: Under a lil rock
Status: Offline
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How many Jews does it take to change a light bulb?
Two, one to change it and the other to hold the ladder so the first man won't fall and hurt himself
Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new house?
No? Well, it's really nice, you should take a look sometime.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
I have a gun,
Get in the van.
A priest, a ministter and a rabbi all walk into a bar. Bars serve people of all religion.
Why did the catholic priest get sent to jail?
Tax evasion.
What did the cab driver say to the black man when he got in his taxi?
"Where to, sir?"
A seal walks into a club.
Three blokes walk into a pub. One of them is a little bit stupid and the whole scene unfolds with a tedious inevitability
What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
Where's my tractor. |
_________________
You do you, and i'll do me
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eddie_the_eagle
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Post subject:
Posted: Jan 23, 2011 - 03:56 PM
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First post: Dec 13, 2009
Total posts: 47
Status: Offline
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what do you call a black man who flys a plane?
a pilot |
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Sidget
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Post subject:
Posted: Jan 23, 2011 - 04:39 PM
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First post: Sep 10, 2006
Total posts: 10680
Location: Under a lil rock
Status: Offline
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| A man walks into a bar, he is an alcoholic and it is ruining his life. |
_________________
You do you, and i'll do me
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Trigger85
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Post subject:
Posted: Jan 23, 2011 - 05:38 PM
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First post: Dec 09, 2009
Total posts: 985
Location: Burford, Oxon
Status: Offline
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whats the difference between a baby and a trampoline?
i take my boots off to jump on a trampoline
whats blue and f**ks grannies?
me in my lucky blue coat
i only really know sick jokes so most are too bad to post on here |
_________________
Bataleon Evil Twin (Artist Edition) : Flux RK30 : Thirtytwo JP Walker
www.armourlock.co.uk if you need a locksmith in the Cotwolds area PM me SCUK discount offered.
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tortyv
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Post subject:
Posted: Jan 24, 2011 - 10:43 AM
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First post: Oct 15, 2009
Total posts: 4046
Location: Luton, UK
Status: Offline
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Most of these jokes are just awful!! Where are you getting them from? Or are you just putting words together and calling it a joke!!!
Anyways here's my contribution:
John was a salesman's delight when it came to any kind of unusual gimmicks. His wife Marsha had long ago given up trying to get him to change. One day John came home with another one of his unusual purchases. It was a robot that John claimed was actually a lie detector.
It was about 5:30 that afternoon when Tommy, their 11 year old son, returned home from school. Tommy was over 2 hours late.. "Where have you been? Why are you over 2 hours late getting home?" asked John..
"Several of us went to the library to work on an extra credit project," said Tommy. The robot walked around the table and slapped Tommy, knocking him completely out of his chair. "Son," said John, "this robot is a lie detector, now tell us where you really were after school."
"We went to Bobby's house and watched a movie." said Tommy. "What did you watch?" asked Marsha.
"The Ten Commandments." answered Tommy. The robot went around to Tommy and once again slapped him, knocking him off his chair. With his lip quivering, Tommy got up, sat down and said, "I am sorry I lied. We really watched a tape called Sex Queen."
"I am ashamed of you son," said John... "When I was your age, I never lied to my parents." The robot walked around to John and delivered a whack that nearly knocked him out of his chair.
Marsha doubled over in laughter, almost in tears and said, "Boy, did you ever ask for that one! You can't be too mad with Tommy. After all, he is your son!"
The robot walked around to Marsha and knocked her out of her chair. |
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"and fatigues soon ignored, as your feet hit the board, or the beat hits the floor, these are the moments that we live for"
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Sidget
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Post subject:
Posted: Jan 24, 2011 - 12:13 PM
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First post: Sep 10, 2006
Total posts: 10680
Location: Under a lil rock
Status: Offline
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Useless superpowers, pick one.
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_________________
You do you, and i'll do me
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